Saturday, August 31, 2013


I sat on the edge of the bed with a handful of Valium in one hand and a razor blade nearby. A glass of water to wash down the pills sat on the dresser waiting to do its duty. Night had fallen and my heart was as dark as the sky outside. There was nothing left to live for I thought.

Earlier that evening my estranged husband had brought our 2 year old son back home after spending the afternoon with him. Their parting usually was a happy one, but this time little D cried uncontrollably as he watched his dad’s car drive away. Nothing would console him.

“Wanna go with Daddy and my other Mommy!” he cried. Those words hit like daggers. D was the one ray of sunshine left in my life since the sudden separation had occurred several months before. Now he, too, wanted out.

Something snapped in my mind. I heard myself assuring him that from tomorrow he would indeed be with his dad. As I prepared him for bed D was giggling and happy once again. I rocked him to sleep and when his little body was completely relaxed I kissed him, and gently placed him in his crib. He was a child who slept through the night…and slept very soundly at that, so there was no way he would awaken before morning.

Methodically, mechanically and completely drained from months of trying to hold things together, I began to prepare…packed D’s bag with the things he would need for daycare…put his breakfast dishes on the table…laid his clothes out for the morning…took the lock off the front door so that there would be easy access to get in….poured the glass of water….went to my bedroom…closed the door…found the razor blade…uncapped the bottle of pills…sat on my bed.

Thoughts swirled in my mind – a jumble of memories. All efforts to make life "normal" had added up to one word – failure.

I heard my own voice saying, “God, if you want me to live You’re going to have to stop me.” I waited a brief moment. Nothing. With that I poured out a handful of pills and raised my hand to my mouth. The razor blade lay nearby to be used right afterward. Then suddenly the stillness was shattered…


It jolted me! I dropped the pills, raced to D’s bedroom and flipped the light switch. There was my two year old…the same one who never awakened, even during a recent earthquake. There he was, wide awake, standing up in his crib with that disarming grin, hands outstretched for me to pick him up. As I grabbed D and held him ever so close a flood of unexpressed emotion flowed from me.

God had heard my heart, and He had answered! He did care! He did want me to live! And He had used my little treasure to let me know that!

That night marked a turnaround in my life. I came to know God, the Father, who valued me so much when I couldn't see value in myself. I was soon introduced to His Son, Jesus and discovered that He, too, loved me so much that He willingly gave His own body to be battered, bruised and then crucified….all so that I could have true life - eternal life with Him!

Several decades later I am a mother and grandmother. But most importantly I am Jesus’ messenger, telling those who are lost and hurting and devoid of answers that there is One who has the answer to any and every problem. He even used me to lead my ex-husband to Him!

I can tell you that He is the only Answer, because before that fateful night I had tried so many other “solutions” – so many religions...attempting to fill the void inside me. But the emptiness always lingered ….until Jesus.

He knows the way out of your prison. He can heal your deepest pain. He will calm your greatest fears. He is with you when you think you’re all alone. He gives you hope. His plans for you are for peace. He knows all about your weaknesses, yet loves you with total abandon! He says...

 "“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

Whatever you need Jesus to be, He will be…
  • If you need someone to confide in – He is the Friend who sticks closer than a brother
  • If you need healing – He is the Great Physician
  • If you need guidance – He is the Way, the Truth and the Life
  • If you are in turmoil – He is the Prince of Peace
  • If your world is dark and dismal – He is the Light of the world
  • If you’re plagued by guilt and shame – He is ready to forgive you and receive you as His own.

Will you ask Jesus to take control of your life, as He did mine? Will you ask Him to help you pick up the pieces? I can assure you that He is right there with you as you read this testimony. Just as He used D’s voice to snatch me from death, He is using this article to bring you back from despair...back to Him. The Lord loves you desperately, and wants you to know His love………a love like you have never experienced before. He created you just so that you could have intimate fellowship with Him!

He can take your mess and turn you into His messenger….just like He did with me!

All you have to do is call His Name….

Mourning into Dancing. Ps. 30:11

All who believe in the Son of God know in their hearts that this testimony is true. 
Those who don’t believe this are actually calling God a liar 
because they don’t believe what God has testified about his Son.  
And this is what God has testified: 
He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.  
Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life.

1 John 5:10-12


  1. Audrey, I was encouraged and reminded of God's great love for each of us as read your testimony. Appreciate you sharing your story.

  2. Wow, what a powerful testimony you have. Thank you so much for sharing!

  3. Audrey,I and my family are more than happy that you responded to D's and the Father's voice. Our lives have been blessed in multiple ways by knowing you. To God be the glory, great things He has done! We appreciate your courage and transparency.

  4. Audrey,
    This is a very powerful message. Thank you so much for sharing and for linking to Sunday Stillness. I will tweet this even though you don't have Twitter.

  5. Audrey,
    I write at Under the Cover of Prayer and would love to repost part of this and send my readers back to you to read the rest. May I? Please email me at authorjaniscox at gmail dot com.

  6. I am so grateful God heard your prayer.


  7. God does hear and he wants us to LIVE and not die before our time. There was much for you yet to do, and he caused your little one to cry out in alarm because he needed you. Thanks for sharing here at "Tell Me a Story."

  8. A beautiful testimony. Glad that you shared it on UNITE.

  9. What an amazing testimony.. Honest, transparent, and wonderful!

  10. Amazing, powerful testimony. Praise God!

  11. A gripping story, and a testimony that reveals God's love for you and His faithfulness. So glad you're still "here." I pray that you are doing well.

  12. What a testimony! Praise God He was there.

    Thank you for linking up with Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday! God bless!

  13. Your testimony of God's saving power is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing, and have a blessed evening!

  14. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful testimony.
    Hugs & blessings,

  15. Oh WOW! What an awesome testimony of our awesome God's personal and intimate love for each of us. And what a sweet joy to read further and see that He allowed you the sweet blessing of true forgiveness AND the leading of your ex-husband to Him as well. Truly a joy and a blessing to read. I pray God will use this AND you in many many ways to bless others in need. Thank you for such a blessed visit!

  16. Wow! What an amazing testimony! Thank you so much for sharing! God is amazing and hears us when we cry out!

  17. Audrey, this is such a wonderful testimony! Praise the Lord for the way He rescued you that night - not only from harming yourself but the way He rescued your heart by showing you the love from your son you needed at that time. Very moving and a powerful reminder of the grace of God.
    Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
    Mel from Essential Thing Devotions

  18. Your story is so gripping and I couldn't set it aside if I had wanted to. I am so glad that you made the right choice. I am glad that you were there for your son as he grew up. It is so amazing that you won your x-husband to the Lord through your testimony. Thanks so much for sharing your testimony.

  19. Thank you for sharing this brave and powerful testimony of grace and truth!

  20. How great is our God, that he rescued you from the pit of despair, and how vividly you write of the account.

    The Lord bless you for sharing and pointing others to Him.

    Mary Haskett

  21. Your story is indeed a powerful testimony for God. The Lord bless you as you continue to bless and encourage others to know Him.


Copyright © 2018 AudreyCharles. All rights reserved.