Earlier that evening my estranged husband had brought our 2 year old son back home after spending the afternoon with him. Their parting usually was a happy one, but this time little D cried uncontrollably as he watched his dad’s car drive away. Nothing would console him.
“Wanna go with Daddy and my other Mommy!” he cried. Those words hit like daggers. D was the one ray of sunshine left in my life since the sudden separation had occurred several months before. Now he, too, wanted out.
Something snapped in my mind. I heard myself assuring him that from tomorrow he would indeed be with his dad. As I prepared him for bed D was giggling and happy once again. I rocked him to sleep and when his little body was completely relaxed I kissed him, and gently placed him in his crib. He was a child who slept through the night…and slept very soundly at that, so there was no way he would awaken before morning.
Methodically, mechanically and completely drained from months of trying to hold things together, I began to prepare…packed D’s bag with the things he would need for daycare…put his breakfast dishes on the table…laid his clothes out for the morning…took the lock off the front door so that there would be easy access to get in….poured the glass of water….went to my bedroom…closed the door…found the razor blade…uncapped the bottle of pills…sat on my bed.
Thoughts swirled in my mind – a jumble of memories. All efforts to make life "normal" had added up to one word – failure.
I heard my own voice saying, “God, if you want me to live You’re going to have to stop me.” I waited a brief moment. Nothing. With that I poured out a handful of pills and raised my hand to my mouth. The razor blade lay nearby to be used right afterward. Then suddenly the stillness was shattered…
It jolted me! I dropped the pills, raced to D’s bedroom and flipped the light switch. There was my two year old…the same one who never awakened, even during a recent earthquake. There he was, wide awake, standing up in his crib with that disarming grin, hands outstretched for me to pick him up. As I grabbed D and held him ever so close a flood of unexpressed emotion flowed from me.
God had heard my heart, and He had answered! He did care! He did want me to live! And He had used my little treasure to let me know that!
That night marked a turnaround in my life. I came to know God, the Father, who valued me so much when I couldn't see value in myself. I was soon introduced to His Son, Jesus and discovered that He, too, loved me so much that He willingly gave His own body to be battered, bruised and then crucified….all so that I could have true life - eternal life with Him!
Several decades later I am a mother and grandmother. But most importantly I am Jesus’ messenger, telling those who are lost and hurting and devoid of answers that there is One who has the answer to any and every problem. He even used me to lead my ex-husband to Him!
I can tell you that He is the only Answer, because before that fateful night I had tried so many other “solutions” – so many religions...attempting to fill the void inside me. But the emptiness always lingered ….until Jesus.
He knows the way out of your prison. He can heal your deepest pain. He will calm your greatest fears. He is with you when you think you’re all alone. He gives you hope. His plans for you are for peace. He knows all about your weaknesses, yet loves you with total abandon! He says...
"“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
- If you need someone to confide in – He is the Friend who sticks closer than a brother
- If you need healing – He is the Great Physician
- If you need guidance – He is the Way, the Truth and the Life
- If you are in turmoil – He is the Prince of Peace
- If your world is dark and dismal – He is the Light of the world
- If you’re plagued by guilt and shame – He is ready to forgive you and receive you as His own.
Will you ask Jesus to take control of your life, as He did mine? Will you ask Him to help you pick up the pieces? I can assure you that He is right there with you as you read this testimony. Just as He used D’s voice to snatch me from death, He is using this article to bring you back from despair...back to Him. The Lord loves you desperately, and wants you to know His love………a love like you have never experienced before. He created you just so that you could have intimate fellowship with Him!
He can take your mess and turn you into His messenger….just like He did with me!
All you have to do is call His Name….
|Mourning into Dancing. Ps. 30:11|
All who believe in the Son of God know in their hearts that this testimony is true.
Those who don’t believe this are actually calling God a liar
because they don’t believe what God has testified about his Son.
And this is what God has testified:
He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life.
1 John 5:10-12