Thanks to Allison Sylvester-Conliffe
for another powerful article
God instituted Marriage, therefore it is a holy institution and it is sacred … just because it came from God. He in His Wisdom saw that man should not be alone, and that he should have a help meet, a companion … someone to share himself with, someone to be intimate with, someone who he could love and from whom he could receive love in return. It should be noted that God made the selection of a wife for Adam. Adam did not have a choice in the matter at all … and God expected Adam to love her and to be intimate with her … and she with him … regardless.
As I pondered Adam and Eve’s relationship, I realized that God was also included as a part of their relationship. He was in the midst of it. The Bible tells us that in the cool of the day God visited them. Both Adam and Eve were free in God … no secrets, nothing hidden. You say how do I know that? The Bible said that they were naked. That means that all was exposed with nothing hidden. They were free beings in God. Until … the serpent, our enemy called satan, visited one of them.
Back in the Book of Genesis Chapter 3 it captures for us, what happens when we refuse to harken unto God’s Word, and when we choose instead to harken unto another voice and so yield to it. That “other voice”, people, is always the voice of the enemy which is used to entice you to want to please self rather than to be pleasing unto God. That voice causes you to ignore God’s Word, yield to temptation and do what appeases your flesh.
In the husband/wife relationship, the enemy just has to whisper into the ear of one of the parties, either the husband or the wife … present a scenario which would appeal to his/or her senses (which is fleshly) and it’s up to the subject to take the bait or not.
It really doesn’t matter to the devil which one accedes to the challenge you know, because he’s looking toward the end result, which is to cause the couple to displease God. He wants to make a breach in the union which God had sealed. That is his motive and that is his job … to convince us of his diabolical plan by deceiving us into believing one … just one … of his lies. Then it would be mission accomplished. All it takes is for him to whisper into the right ear, and so cause that vessel to waiver in his or her faith and he would have his hook firmly set into your jaw and then he yanks it. This way, you would be totally under his control.
If we take a look at broken marriages, or even divorced couples … you would see a common thread. In the majority of cases, the reason for the separation was because one of the party’s self dis-satisfaction. The other person was not doing this right. It was because the other person was not bringing enough into the relationship to satisfy me. Not taking me anywhere … not buying me nice things … not making me happy. But did God’s Word not say that you ought to esteem others more highly than yourself? (Philippians 2:3) Believing otherwise, or contrary to that Word would tell me that you are disobeying the Word of God.
It is also recorded in the Word of God as a command, that the husband should love his wife as Christ loved the church … and in return the wife should submit to the husband. Read Ephesians Chapter 5 again. The parties who are involved in the covenant of marriage are supposed to concentrate on esteeming the other more highly than their own selves.
Each one should concentrate on loving that other person, cherishing the mate and not looking with expectancy for the mate to esteem and cherish us. The latter would eventually happen, but it should not be the focus. The husband’s energies are to be placed in loving the wife and the wife’s energies are to be in loving the husband. That is the key that we miss as married couples. In truly loving the other person, we would indeed be pleasing God.
The reason why we were created was to be pleasing unto God. We were made for God’s pleasure. We are to please God in our relationships, marital or otherwise. Loving each other as God wants us to love will bring to each individual the ultimate benefits in God.
We cannot assume that what we call love is what God calls love. We have to seek God to know how to love our spouses. Our prayer should be “What should I do Lord, to bring satisfaction to my partner? Please show me how to love him/her!” Because what you may call love may not appeal to him or her at all. Your prayer should never be “Lord, change my partner to be this or to be that so that I could be satisfied”! Do you see the difference?
Love is selfless, it is a giving of yourself to another, unconditionally. Just as God loved us so much, even in our wretched state, that He gave the Son that He loved to die in order that we should live. True love, is really a dying to self. It is a deep expression towards another. Love is never selfish, nor does it seek its own. Love pours outward unto another.
That other thing which caters to self satisfaction, and fulfills me is called some other thing, but don’t call it love at all. Love is a sacrificial giving of oneself to another. The pleasure is the joy in seeing the other person happy and fulfilled. Think what would happen if we all approach our marriage relationships in this manner. In this way, when your spouse feels hurt you will feel hurt too. Love would seek the welfare of the spouse and this will spill out unto the children too, and they will follow the same pattern in their own married lives. God will indeed be pleased.
We have to get back to loving God first as He has commanded, before we even attempt to get ourselves a husband or wife and committing to marriage. Pleasing God should be our motive and this would be reflected in our relationships. What I have seen is that we go after the physical attraction and breach God’s laws by hitting the sack, then maybe we will get married and because we go after pleasure for our individual selves, there are all sorts of friction and head butting being experienced in the marriage. This arises because God is not our focus. We instead, make ourselves the focus and this is wrong.
Let your creativity loose and start by giving the spouse maybe a granola bar, a box of chocolates, some flowers, a new shirt or a pair of socks. It may be that you would give of yourself by watching a movie with your spouse, especially if that is not what you would normally do. Be creative and give, because you want to please God. Remember, that you even have to love the unlovely! Therefore you are without excuse.
Daily, purpose to do some good act in order to bring pleasure to your spouse … no, not to you … to your spouse!! Try this method for the first month. God in His Wisdom will break down barriers and heal wounds and cultivate a newness in your marriage that cannot go unnoticed. It is supernatural because it will be all God’s doing.
Visit Romans 13:10 which says –
“Love worketh no ill to his neighbour, therefore love is the fulfillment of the law!”
I summarize by saying that just by expressing love as God wants you to love, will cause you to keep all of the Commandments … in which case you will then be pleasing God … you will also be pleasing your spouse and your spouse will in turn be pleasing you.
God Bless You!